I've been thinking about god and christianity so much these days that I get so scared.
I am very scared that one day I might convert to a Christian. I am scared that one day God will be more important to me than my parents. And I don't want that ever ever to happen.
I hope this is just a passing phase in my life. Like Greg asked me, "do you need a religion?" I told him no and I really don't. If there is no heaven for Christians to go to after they die, will believing in God still be attractive for me? I don't know. I don't know what this feeling is that I'm feeling inside. I keep wondering if animals go to heaven after they die. I keep wondering what happens if you go to heaven, if you stay there forever and ever and stuff like that. I wonder if you retain your memories and remember your loved ones when you go to heaven. I wonder if there is hard, solid and concrete proof that god exists.
I still believe in the teachings of Buddhism though I call myself a buddhist. I believe that there is retribution and I believe that there is reincarnation and I believe in eating vegetarian food once in a while and I believe in praying to the Buddha and Guan Yin. It's just that now I also believe that a heaven might exist I think that maybe God will answer your prayers too.
It's not a conflict of religions because I don't have a religion in the first place. But this feeling makes me sick. Makes me scared. I think it's because someone told me that religions can't co-exist within one and that you ultimately got to make a choice? Can I not make any choices and still call myself a free-thinker? I think that takes the burden off my shoulders. Or can I respect and believe in both?
That day I was in class and there was this guy sitting in front of me watching some clip. The clip says that if the population in the world is shrunk to 100 people, 33 will be christians, 18 will be muslims and only 6 will be buddhists. This scares me too. You have so many people in Thailand/Vietnam/Cambodia who are buddhists and they only make up 6% in the world. It's like this christianity thing is too powerful and overwhelming. I'm scared I'll be engulfed.
It's so tiring to think, especially when I think I don't even need a religion. Or am I wrong?
9 comments:
I do not think you need a religion to be a good person and to live a fulfilling life.
Religion only causes confusion and narrow-mindedness.
Hey babe, just thought I would share my experience.
I used to think that religion is a crutch people use in order to avoid dealing with the real world directly. Oh, the devil made me do it, someone is looking out for me, if I am good now, there will be a reward in the future. I certainly don't believe in life after death, and that this one lifetime is as good as it gets. While I may have given some credence to Jesus and Buddha as historical figures, it is their mystical roles which I have problems with.
But mamy people still believe in them. U think ultimately, it comes down to a very simple word: faith. Contained within it are other concepts, like love and trust. Above all, faith is a very personal thing.
It is up to you what you choose to believe. Religion is merely the organised systematic way of belief. Every individual has his/her own belief system. Sometimes, it is congruent with religion, so we say that they are religious people. Others diverge wildly, and they put down Jedi Knight under religion.
What I am trying to say is that in these confusing times, find that one bedrock of truth you can hold on to. Something that you sincerely believe in. Is it a belief that this life cannot be it, that there has to be something better out there for all of us? That a man really died for all our sins 2000 years ago? That a man was the mouthpiece of God's words in the Arabian desert? That good karma will allow you a way out of samsara? Or maybe that what we see is what we get and everything else is just man trying to justify what he can't face?
Good luck on your journey of discovery. May a wind be always at your back and the road rises to meet you.
Not sure whether this would be helpful to you or not:
Know yourself and stay true to yourself.
Well, i beg to differ with what dagger said. Sometimes, people give the devil too much credit.It's really boils down to the choices we make. Take Adam and Eve as an example, though the devil did play a part, they ultimately had the choice to reject, yet they wilfully made a choice which made them disobedient.
Well,now you have to ask yourself, why are you scared of conversion? How is it going to affect you as a person? I had the same worry that God will be more impt than my parents. But friend showed me a verse, "honour your father and mother." yes, i know that there are verses that might seem to contradict all this,but they must taken into context as well.
No one knows about the future and no one has been able to effectively communicate with animals. So there is really no need to worry about them.
Just look around you, the world around you is a proof that god exists. You don't have to look very deep for a proof.
Well, not making a choice, in some sense, it's already a choice that you made isn't it?How much less is that burden sitting in between fences and with both sides tugging at you?
Don't let religion become a game of statistics. It's not a game of numbers or who is better than who. It's never really about power. Make it personal, to me, christianity is more than believing in God,it has become a relationship with him.
Whether you need religion or not, is something for you to decide.But know your purpose in life, understand why are you here for, how did you get here and where you will be going. Learn how to live and not merely exist.
Why are you afraid? What's there to be afraid of?
i am afraid because i don't know if i'm supposed to do anything about it (like it's trying to tell me something) or leave it as it is. I guess jilyn's right. I think too much. haha ok i think i should just leave it as it is. will this be the best for me?
maybe? It's good to think it through. But why not give it a shot? Nothing to lose. Payoff matrix is always positive under decision of "Choose to believe". Always negative if "choose not to believe". =\
Hmm... I really mean no offence but it seems that it will not be a good reason for someone to believe in something just because he/she won't lose anything from doing so and perhaps instead will gain from it... It will quite mercenary to do so, won't it...?
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