I had a sudden urge to blog about my past relationship after reading Chang Qi's post. He said that I could post his link on my blog so here it is,
www.xanga.com/niteflyr_23

I think I can completely feel how he feels because I feel the same way too. It's been about 9 months since we've broken up. Sometimes I still see him in my dreams. When I open my drawer the cards he wrote me for all our anniversaries are still sitting nicely there. All the soft toys he has ever bought for me are still in the cupboard. The tops he bought for me are still in my wardrobe. Everytime my mum cooks "pho" or "lao shu fen" or when I make tiramisu I'll think of how much he had loved eating them. The bear he bought for me when I was down with viral fever in year 1 is still in my room. I can remember him coming to visit me at the hospital everyday without fail even though he was having his exams then. I can remember studying with him at China Square Spinelli's and eating bak chor mee there or the big prawn mee. I can remember how surprised he was when I left a braun buffel wallet in his wardrobe and the expression on his face when he saw it. When I go into toy shops and I see astroboy figurines I'll still have an urge to get them for him. When my screensaver comes up on my desktop at home it's still all our pictures we've taken together. The ones we took in Cambodia and Ang Kor Wat. I remember how hard I cried on him when I lost one of the favourite soft toy that he gave me. It's not childish. I really liked it alot. I remember how we backtracked our steps and tried to look for it. How I left my contacts with the bus driver. How he brought back the soft toy two days later which made me so happy but then I realized it wasn't the same soft toy though they looked the same. He had gone back to the shop to buy another one for me. And I remember how I would always hide behind pillars to scare him. How he always asks me to watch Korean/scary movies with him. How he would wait at Newton Mrt station to go home together with me after my school. Or how I would stop wait at Tan Tock Seng Hospital to go home together with him when he ends work. Or how he will walk me home after my tuition. Or how sometimes we'll sit and talk at the stairs just outside my place at night. How I sewed something for him and made him so happy. How we'll hug each other and take afternoon naps at his place. How we'll always go ECP to eat kangkong lala stingray and take cab home after that. How he surprised me with a couple ring during our 1st month anniversary. How I complained to him that it was ugly. How he always tidies my hair for me. How he always holds my hand.

And there are much more memories.

I still think of him pretty often. How he did for his retest. How he is with his new girlfriend. How he is with his work. With his friends. If he's happy. I still miss the memories. But like Chang Qi said, it's not love. I just still care for him alot. I still want the best for him. I really want him to be happy. And I'll always be there when he needs help. Just someone I'll always care for. Like a really special person. Because we've simply gone through too much to just forget everything. I don't know if any of you out there understands how I really feel. Like still can care for a person alot alot even though you don't love that person anymore? It's not the same as your best friends. I don't really know how to explain also.

It's just like how I miss going back to his place after school and then he'll take the car and send me back. How I miss stepping into his place seeing his mum and saying "hello auntie". How I cooked prawns, pasta and veggies for him and him saying it was good. How he would complain to me when he loses his soccer bets. How I'll tease him about his flabby belly.

But I don't miss him.

How I miss playing dota with him. How I miss him calling me his wife. How I miss sewing his name on the orange towel.

But I don't miss him.

And I won't miss them anymore. It's like a holiday. You've been to a very beautiful place. You've had wonderful memories. But when you're finally back you think about it you still feel very happy but you wouldn't wanna go back anymore. What if you think of it so much but when you're finally back you realize it's not as beautiful anymore?

And Adrian if you have always wanted to know why I tell you that I won't like the same guy twice, this is the reason.

Memories are always more beautiful that way.